…OH HEY! Hi, sorry. We were busy eating Cheetos. Anyway, after the wild popularity of our last behind-the-scenes post, we found some more cutting room footage from ‘The Audition’ that we thought you’d enjoy. So please do enjoy. And drop a comment in the nickel box on your way out.
Sabrina: This guy was great. He was the first, third and seventy-sixth person to answer our ad in Backstage. His reel included a clip from his high school graduation ceremony and two monologues from “The Basketball Diaries.” He wouldn’t eat anything but Cheetos during the shoot.
Kath: I want to lick his teeth. Wait, did I lick his teeth? Was that part of the audition?
Alex: You did and it was. Hey, “Hot Guy” needed to have good dental hygiene – those HD cameras pick up everything! (Except, sadly, for my uncanny resemblance to a young Lee Remick. Where’s THAT footage?)
Sabrina: This is so embarrassing. Alex and I had just challenged Rita Rudner and Wayne Brady to an Improv-off at the neighboring Fat Kids camp. Our singing might have annoyed the crew and gotten us in trouble with the police that night, but man it paid off in Fat Kid trophies that summer! Plus we saved the house, and we get to keep the sailboat!
Alex: That really was a great summer.
Kath: These ladies do not look amused. Was this first dinner at 10pm or second dinner at 3am?
Alex: Who cares? We got beat up both times.
Sabrina: Oh my goodness. Funny story this one. Well, we rented out the “audition room” from this club on the Lower East Side; it was sort of a theme club, if that’s what you would call it. Kind of a futuristic sexy pony jamboree or a glow-in-the dark lacrosse game type thing, I guess.
Alex: Sort of “Rhinestone Cowboy meets TRON” – Le Reow!!
Sabrina: Anyway, our DP ate too many Cheetos at the Kraft Services table and had to go home before we finished the shoot. Luckily, one of the table dancers went to film school and he was able to jump behind the camera for the last few shots! Thanks, Ricky! We owe you big time. xoxox
Sabrina: I have no idea who these people are. Hey! Click on the word Cheetos. Now find the someone you love. Make them click on it too. Now have a conversation! Ha ha ha ha! You’re cooking with sauce! xoxoxo
Kath: I think it should be mentioned that this was taken after an all-night into the wee-morning, “let’s go get brunch since places are now open again” video shoot.
Alex: True. We had just finished filming the big musical finale with Bill Murray (which was cut from the final version due to Kath’s inappropriate hand gestures.) Someone had slipped me some horse steroids to keep me going through multiple takes of the tap dance number, and I was hungry enough to say ANYTHING for some pancakes and a mimosa. (Actually, that’s true even without the horse steroids.)
Sabrina: Two words: Horse Steroid Withdrawal.
Alex: That’s three words.
Sabrina: SHUT UP AND GET ME SOME HORSE STEROIDS!!
…Uh, yeah! Hi again readers. Aren’t you glad we didn’t save those gems for the DVD extras?? Wait don’t answer that.
*Please pick up your petticoats and skip away if you are scandalized by human biology.*
First things first, humans fart. Men, women and children all pass wind. Some of us are just more blessed than others. I happen to come from a long lineage of gas hording humanoids. Just ask my couch. The sounds of the toot, the squeak, the foghorn, the ah-OOOO-gah often wafts through my home. It’s nature, get over it.
Because I am used to farts, I realize that there are several layers to them. There are the wondrous sounds, the surprising smells and sometimes the unfortunate tastes. I only really mind the taste aspect. If I taste a fart, it means that someone has to shit and I just ate their poo. Not appreciated. Besides that (and being hot-boxed in a crowded subway car), I care not if you fart. This does not give people license to lift a leg and announce their presence willy-nilly near me. It is possible to hold gas in. Uncomfortable yes, but possible. We all must have manners. But, I prefer you release air rather than blow up. Just make sure you say excuse me and go to the bathroom if you actually have to poo.
It has gotten to the point where I seldom react to the sounds of compressed air leaving the body. When silence is broken by a strange fwep or a sneeze is punctuated with a pa-toot, I smile, but do not belly laugh like I once did as a grade school child. I believe that my auditory function has become somewhat numb to humans and their bodily functions.
I do have a fascination with dogs farting however.
Growing up, I was not aware that dogs could fart. When I was a child, I had a dog named Tidbit. “Tidbit from Tibet,” as my father would say. He was actually from New Jersey, but who’s taking notes. Tidbit was the sweetest Shih Tzu and I loved him to bits. Yes, he would eat used sanitary napkins, but he had the best of intentions. And I never heard him fart.
I heard stories of dogs passing gas. But, I still had not heard it in person. I’m not talking smell here, I’m talking sound. Because I have certainly smelled the room clearing scents that are released by the bowels of a hound. Yeah, I’m calling you out Lily! I have two tiny, 4lb. yorkie-poo (ha ha poo) sisters (Lily and Lola) and I think their assholes are too small to release any sounds. Or at least, sound audible to the human ear. However, Lily could go by the name “Silent but Deadly” especially since she is all ninja black.
One very early Sunday morning, everything changed. My ears were opened and my mind was blown. I was sleepily staring at the computer screen wondering what other video I could find that would slightly amuse me until I got enough energy to start making the coffee. I found myself mindlessly typing into the YouTube search box “dog fart”. I found the mother-lode.
There were dogs farting, dogs reacting to human farts and dogs reacting to their own farts. Dogs reacting to other dog’s farts and cats being farted on by dogs. Tail moving farts, feet twitching farts and grimacing faces from smelly farts. I was in dog fart heaven.
Humans spend so much time pretending they weren’t the ones who farted in public. I think if we could, people would throw post-poot smoke pellets and run away in shame. But dogs? Man-oh-man… They don’t know embarrassment. How could they? They greet each other by smelling asses. And they are cute and fuzzy and when silly noises come from them unexpectedly, their reactions make me want to squeeze them and hug them and throw confetti all over the floor like a prancing Rip Taylor!
I still haven’t heard a dog fart in person, but good old YouTube has certainly satiated my curiosity for now. So, from my heart to you, please enjoy these few favorite Dog vs. Fart videos. And one flatulent rabbit…
My husband can imitate this dog perfectly. In fact, I often ask him to “do the dog face”.
This is not a dog, but a bunny. My love for farting bunnies almost matches my love for gassy pups.